The Question

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Well despite me feeling slightly normal and regaining parts of my identity, I was reminded this week that my hormones are still in full control! This week we attended our last week of baby group and it got quite emotional, not because it was our last group, but it was the question we were asked. what are you enjoying most about your baby? Well in true mad mummy fashion I added that being off work was what I was enjoying most, now to be honest that was just a joke. I am enjoying not being at work, until the three year old is asking me the same question over and over and over and over again.
But taking it in seriously and really thinking about the question, it’s always been one thing I’ve enjoyed most about both of my children and that is the gaze. Breastfeeding was very natural for me with my first daughter and I was lucky my daughter took to it so easily. The second time however was not so easy and I’ve always said if it was my first child I may not have continued. But what spured me on through the difficulties was the gaze of my new born, her big eyes taking me in.
Her happy and content face and that loving and lingering look in her big blue eyes!
My first child would not take a bottle no matter how hard we tried but my new born is happy to take my milk from me or a bottle. But this has come with mixed emotions for me, I was going to have more freedom but at what cost, I felt like I had lost a little bit of my exclusivity. However I’ve got over it and every time I put her to my breast nothing else matters. Explaining this to the group brought tears to my eyes because this is my last child and the time goes so quickly.
Recalling to the group the memory of my first child got me so emotional as I realised how special those moments were to me and watching her running around in her usual crazy fashion I knew that she had no recollection of that time. She didn’t remember and it was gut wrenching, it was then I was reassured that it was those moments that made our close bond, that made her so confident and secure.
So Wether I’m breastfeeding or bottle feeding I will hold every moment close to my heart and always remember. I’ll never forget the glare of wonder and comfort and the beautiful sounds of my baby suckling and wimpering and I’ll always remember that question. What are you enjoying most about your baby?

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